Using computers to simulate real-world events is no new phenomenon. In fact, those kind of calculations are pretty much the reason computers exist in the first place. Due to the prevalence of complex, highly realistic sports video games, fans have it particularly good in this department as any old dude with an Xbox and an internet connection can run a single-trial simulation for their favorite team. Throw in a masters in statistics, and pretty soon you’re running multiple variance calculations and…chi square…stuff…with isosceles triangles and shit. Hey, don’t look at me. I’m no Nate Silver, I’m just the guy who funnels all his knowledge of statistics into hastily made faux hip-hop videos.

True to my bare bones understanding of probability tests, I opted to utilize the most bare bones football video game available to test the outcome of the 2010 Jets season. No, not the NFL 2K series, not NFL Blitz 96, not even Tecmo Super Bowl on Super Nintendo. Nope, I decided to use regular old Tecmo Bowl on the regular old Nintendo Entertainment System. This 8-Bit wonder was always a treasured favorite as a child, and now, updated to contain 32 teams and (almost) current NFL rosters, it provides us with the surest evidence yet that the Jets are Super Bowl bound.

Stop yourself right there. Are you going to argue with a computer?

As you can see from the above video, the Tecmo Bowl mod designed by Buck from the Tecmo Repository thinks very highly of the Jets. With no alterations to the difficulty level, and and no human involvement whatsoever (what you are watching is the com playing itself), Tecmo lead the Jets to 12 regular season wins, the second seed in the AFC playoffs, and home postseason victories over two familiar opponents: the Bengals and the Colts. We then met the Washington Redskins in the Super Bowl (whose virtual win in Dallas over the hated Cowboys to earn the right to play the Super Bowl in that stadium would hypothetically be the most incredible NFL plotline ever). However, after barely sneaking past the Colts, the Jets made quick work of Washington, burying them 28-7 to become world champions.

Here are the full results from our ascendant season:

Week 1- Jets 23, Ravens 20
Week 2 -- Jets 24, Patriots 7
Week 3 -- Dolphins 27, Jets 21
Week 4 -- Bills 28, Jets 21
Week 5 -- Vikings 24, Jets 13
Week 6 -- Jets 49, Broncos 28
Week 7 -- Jets 27, Packers 14
Week 8 -- Jets 16, Lions 7
Week 9 -- Jets 24, Browns 21
Week 10 -- Jets 25, Texans 14
Week 11 -- Jets 28, Bengals 20
Week 12 -- Jets 28, Patriots 21
Week 13 -- Jets 49, Dolphins 20
Week 14 -- Steelers 31, Jets 20
Week 15 -- Jets 45, Bears 7
Week 16 -- Jets 24, Bills 2

Final regular season record, 12-4, 2nd seed in AFC

Divisional Playoffs -- Jets 21, Bengals 14
AFC Champ Game -- Jets 20, Colts 17 in stunning fashion
Super Bowl -- Jets 28, Redskins 7

Alright, so other than losing to the Dolphins in Miami, everything in there looks pretty damn snappy. Tecmo doesn’t seem to think much of Mark Sanchez, but Shonn Greene was an unbelievable workhorse, and Braylon/Tone made at least one huge play between the two of them each game. Defense is a bit trickier to express in digital form, and I doubt we’ll see so many 20+ scores from real life opponents, even in losing efforts. For that matter, I don’t expect the Jets offense to routinely surpass 30 points either. These aren’t very G&Pish numbers, but, hey, it’s Tecmo. I’m still surprised it popped out a champion. I was worried the game would do what it did to the Dolphins, and randomly decide we were a five win team.

Even I think this is pretty unfair to Miami.

In the end, the dream season you see before you is bound to be just that: a dream. Even if the Jets do win the Super Bowl, it’s not going to shake out anything like this. But for now, all things are possible, especially with Revis back. So relax and enjoy. Jets 49 -- Dolphins 20 does look pretty sweet.

Notes: I am aware of the following oddities in the game sim. There was nothing that I could have done about any of them, as they are all innate to the mod:

- The IRL Colts would have just taken a knee in the final seconds of the game, preventing that fumble from ever happening, and with it, overtime.

- The post-season overtime rules have changed. The Nick Folk field goal would no longer be enough.

- Slauson, JT and Mark Brunell are all missing from the roster. Slauson I can explain, the other two I can’t.

- He took the time to update the midfield NFL logo, but it still call us the “1991 Jets.” I don’t get it either.

-- Manhole Out.

Go celebrate.

- Manhole Out.

Three posts in one day? We’re in uncharted territory now for sure, but then, we are beginning to transition to regular season mode. And, really, what news could be more worthy of a third post than a potential agreement between Darrelle Revis and the Jets?

First word broke that Rex and Revis met personally in Florida this weekend, already a good sign. Rex is better suited to appeal to Revis’s humanity than cold, number crunching Mike Tannenbaum, whose constant 1,000 yard expression on Hard Knocks has really begun to freak me out. Next “Incarcerated Bob” from the Boomer & Carton show on WFAN reported that a deal had been completed, or would be completed tonight, and that a press conference was planned for Thursday. Why should we believe Bob, whose constant asteriked tweets and accusations that “ESPN frauds” had stolen his scoop have demeaned his already low credibility? We shouldn’t, but it’s still movement. Just as I was ready to write this off as another wild Cowlishaw chase, the real kicker came. Carity Washington, the Gorgonesque, Jets hating bitch of the world, shattered all preconceptions when she tweeted “Jets fans will be VERY happy soon!”

It is important to note that Leon and Darrelle remain close friends, and that Charity knocked down the story of Revis and the Jets meeting back on the Tuesday of Cowlishaw week. Of course, she’s not an official news source, but I find it difficult to believe that all these things, including a tweet from Revis best friend and manager John Geiger that he was “getting on a plane,” could happen the weekend before the season begins (pretty much our last shot), and it not reflect something huge stirring.

Take all of this with a grain of salt, Jets fans. As we have learned, there are no guarantees (nor guaranteed money, for that matter), but it stands to reason that the Jets would wait to cut T-Rich only after securing or nearly securing Revis, especially since it would be easier for Richardson to take that news if he understood exactly why it was happening.

Got to love journalism in the Age of Twitter! Report now, confirm later. First to get it out wins, Mike Wise style!

UPDATE 11:56 – This Bob guy is the biggest ass I’ve ever seen. He’s been attacking ESPN and Manish Mehta for over an hour, slinging out all kinds of expletives and personal attacks. He’s now saying Revis is partying on South Beach with an entourage of 7 and “yes, [he has] a location.” Turns out the dude doesn’t even work for WFAN, he just calls in. Why on earth is anyone listening to him? I still think too much is happening for this to be a false lead, but by no means should Bob be anyone’s smoking gun.

- Manhole Out.

I said just a few days ago that I would not worry about the Jets’ self-professed leadership void unless the team did something really, really stupid, like cutting Tony Richardson. I don’t even know why I have to continue. You know they did it. You know they freaking did it. They cut one of the greatest fullbacks who ever lived.

Now before any of you jump on me, yes, I am more than aware of T-Rich’s advanced age, and of his declining blocking. I know that John Conner, much like his time traveling nicknamesake, is the future, but in an offseason where this team said goodbye to a huge number of productive leaders (I am tired of writing the ever-expanding list over and over again…the names should be burned into your skull by now), everything about this decision should rub fans the wrong way.

It used to be in this league that rookies would compete with veterans for their jobs, not the other way around. That if you had contributed to a team and to the game of football in general for a long time, that you were assured certain things. As Rex himself said on Hard Knocks, Tony had earned this roster spot. It wasn’t his to lose or Conner’s to win, it was just his. All the man wanted was a final lap around the track, and maybe to pick up some new jewelry along the way. In the process, he could further mentor Conner and help guide all the members of this young offense. It’s not right to deny him that role, nor the money owed to him.

But don’t blame Conner. The Terminator Leader of the Skynet Resistance was nothing but appreciative of T-Rich’s guidance and assistance all summer long. This was never an acrimonious battle, not even for Jason Davis, who of course knew he was destined to get run off the road by both these men. Maintaining two FBs on a roster is a luxury, and not one most teams can take, especially not broke-ass teams still mired in hostile negotiations with a man so selfish he can’t even see that his money grab is starting to hurt his own teammates.

Do not be mistaken, this move, just like Kellen’s pay cut and the temporary cutting of LC was designed to clear up cash for Darrelle Revis, cash that may not ever even get spent the way things are going. The Jets simply can’t afford to retain “backups” like Richardson and Coles at non-minimum values. Which is why we can expect one or both of those players to return after Week One, perhaps even alongside Adalius Thomas, or, gasp, Revis himself, now with slashed guarantees. Not only does that put us at a disadvantage against the Ravens, but it’s also a colossal showing of disrespect to two leaders who have sacrificed years of service in the name of Gang Green. We have placed Revis on a pedestal, and it is not one he deserves.

So goodbye T-Rich, but also welcome T-Rich. Or whatever. It’s damned depressing to see this team struggle reconciling money and talent like they’re the 2004 Florida Marlins or something. At least they got to win their championship first. If all this blows up in our faces with nothing to show for it…forget it. Let’s just get on with the start of the season and see what comes of this. I doubt Richardson’s absence will cripple our play or anything. Losing him may even make sense from a football perspective, but it just feels so unjust.

UPDATE 10:30 AM 9/6/10 - T-Rich is expected to return this week, likely even today. He sacrificed his guaranteed money for Revis. What a guy! What a leader!

- Manhole Out.

Welcome to the first day of the Jets Kvetch ExFanstravaganza! For those not in the know, this is the first in a daily series of posts previewing the new NFL year in the lead-up to the Jets-Ravens Monday Night Football game. Today I’ll be conducting the first of my new weekly power rankings. However, these rankings, unlike those ubiquitous ones seen everywhere from ESPN to Fox Sports to Bleacher Report, measures not the strength or weakness of each individual franchise, but the satisfaction of its fans. There are a number of factors that go into such a calculation, and while the old adage “Winning cures everything” is mostly true, I think you’ll find that mere wins and losses are not always the best predictors of fan happiness. For instance, the Lionss may be a trainwreck, but they’re a slowly improving trainwreck, so if by Week 3 they have one good win and, say, the Chargers start 1-2, one would imagine Lions fans, who entered the year with low expectations, would be feeling better about themselves than would a San Diego fan, who has their eyes set on the Super Bowl. In a sense, I guess you could think of this as something of a glour ranking. Ho ho!

Here’s how to read the Fandex: each fanbase is given a score between 0 and 100, a 100 representing the pure, orgasmic bliss that only a world championship can bring, and a 0 being, well, a 0 means you’re probably a Browns fan. In addition to the score, each team will be assigned a themed characteristic that I think best matches the personality of their organization. For instance, this week I have assigned each group a favored drink. Play along in the comments if you like.

All that having been said, let us now commence the first ever Fandex!

PRESEASON

#1 DALLAS COWBOYS

Fandex Rating: 96
Comments: In addition to the general smug, self-accomplished air that accompanies following America’s Team, Cowboys fans have it going on right now. Their defense is elite, their passing attack is formidable, the Super Bowl is in their own home, and that home happens to be larger than six U.S. states, with merchandise sales outpacing the national economies of several Pacific islands. By both winning in December and in the playoffs last year, the Boys built the kind of fan confidence needed to make a serious run.
Favorite Drink: Scotch and soda

#2 NEW ORLEANS SAINTS

Fandex Rating: 95
Comments: It’s hard not to be ecstatic when you’re champs. That said, Saints fans know how difficult title defenses can be, and are aware that the euphoria of victory does not last long in the NFL. Who Dat Nation has had a taste, and they want more. Will they repeat? With Saint Breesus, all things are possible.
Favorite Drink: Sazerac Cocktails

#3 INDIANAPOLIS COLTS

Fandex Rating: 92
Comments: “As long as we have Manning…” seems to be the mantra of the state of Indiana, which, while no doubt still feeling somewhat dejected from a defeat they probably assumed was impossible, remain convinced that their hero will again lead them to big game. They’re not wrong. The Colts have won at least 12 games every year for about a decade, and they’re not likely to halt that record in 2010. So long as Manning stays healthy, Hoosiers can sleep soundly at night knowing their team has a shot.
Favorite Drink: Steak N’ Shake Hand-Dipped Butterfingers Candy Malt

#4 BALTIMORE RAVENS

Fandex Rating: 89
Comments: Everything seems to be coming together for the Ravens, who appear to be the sexy pick in the AFC. Old favorites pair with strong new additions and a couple smart offseason acquisitions to create a roster almost completely free of any glaring holes. Baltimore fans expect a Super Bowl, and approach a division title as being almost a foregone conclusion. Will their hopes be dashed?
Favorite Drink: All liquids in Baltimore are consumed intravenously

#5 GREEN BAY PACKERS

Fandex Rating: 88
Comments: Aaron Rodgers has quickly become one of the most respected passers in the game, and Packers fans believe he is only one monster season away from joining Brees, Manning and Brady atop the pantheon of great current NFL quarterbacks. But Brett Favre is far from an afterthought in Wisconsin these days, and the Pack is going to have to find a way to beat Minnesota if they want to pursue their Super Bowl dream.
Favorite Drink: A frothy glass of milk, straight from the teet

#6 MINNESOTA VIKINGS

Fandex Rating: 88
Comments: The pieces are all there, and a league-opening revenge game at New Orleans should provide plenty of excitement, but Vikings fans have to be feeling a little weary by now. Last season was a charmed year, for both the team and Favre. They did everything right, and still fell short. With so few major additions, can the Vikings find a way over the hump regardless? Either way, it’s a good time to be a Vikes fan.
Favorite Drink: A skull-stein of mead

#7 NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS

Fandex Rating: 85
Comments: The Patriots are anxious to put the upstart Jets and Dolphins back in their place in the AFC East, where they are still kings. However, fears that the Dynasty is dead echo throughout New England. Will the Patriots of 2007 rise from the grave now that Tom Brady is 100%, or will the decline of Belichick’s empire further as the Jets and Phins zip by their window?
Favorite Drink: Sam Adams Octoberfest, funneled, referred to as “Bruschi’s Brewsky”

#8 CINCINNATI BENGALS

Fandex Rating: 83
Comments: A disappointing home playoff loss to New York sullied what was otherwise one of the great seasons in Bengals history. But Cincinnati fans are not likely to soon forget that their team went undefeated in their division in 2009, and that the roster has only since gotten deeper. If things go well, this season could be Marvin Lewis’s masterpiece. If they don’t, it could mean big changes in the Queen City. Fans are enthusiastic, yet nervous.
Favorite Drink: Paint thinner

#9 MIAMI DOLPHINS

Fandex Rating: 80
Comments: With the acquisition of Brandon Marshall and Karlos Dansby, as well as the furthering development of Chad Henne, Dolphins fans have much to be hopeful. Their team has been steadily rising since the 2007 1-15 disaster, and the Parcells-Sparano-Ireland regime has them on the verge of big things. But could they be the third wheel in a two team race? Fans think not, but experts disagree.
Favorite Drink: Appletinis on the dance floor

#10 SAN DIEGO CHARGERS

Fandex Rating: 80
Comments: Years and years of high expectations and postseason failures are beginning to wear on San Diego fans. The window hasn’t closed yet, but the Vincent Jackson holdout has made an already difficult offseason even harder to bear. The run game should improve significantly with the drafting of ready-to-produce rookie Ryan Matthews, providing a new dimension to the pass-happy Chargers offense. Could this be the year? “It better be!” shout impatient Bolts supporters.
Favorite Drink: The worm

#11 NEW YORK JETS

Fandex Rating: 79
Comments: The almost delusional optimism that has overtaken Jets fans since their unexpected postseason run last January has begun to weaken in the face of the nightmarish Darrelle Revis contract holdout. Yet this is still a deep team poised to rank as the league’s best defense for a second straight year. The Jets would do wise to take their focus off the Super Bowl and place it squarely upon the AFC East, which they have not won since 2002.
Favorite Drink: RC Cola chased with 5 Hour Energy Shot and coke

#12 ATLANTA FALCONS

Fandex Rating: 75
Comments: Most experts and all Falcons fans agree: Matt Ryan and Michael Turner are not going to suck this year. In fact, they’re going to be studs. But occupying the same division as the defending champion is never easy, and Falcons fans must be prepared to aim for a wild card. Still, there’s enough talent here to give the Saints a run…but nothing more. I don’t think.
Favorite Drink: Purple drank, gripped then sipped

#13 WASHINGTON REDSKINS

Fandex Rating: 69
Comments: Skins lovers are convinced that in Mike Shanahan and Donovan McNabb, the solution to Synderitis has finally come to Washington. A difficult (and unpredictable) division is the only thing dampening fan expectations, which appear to be a little high for a team coming off a four win season. Regardless, they do not anticipate being basement dwellers any longer, and that’s all that matters.
Favorite Drink: Mike Shanahan brand Kool-Aid

#14 SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS

Fandex Rating: 64
Comments: Allow me to summarize the entire basis for Niners optimism right now in one sentence: “This division is bullshit.” The NFC West, easily the league’s weakest bracket, is so bad that any one of its non-Rams teams could contend for the title, and Frisco fans are correct in asserting that they should be the preseason favorites. It’s been a long time since the 49ers were winners, but that very well may change in 2010.
Favorite Drink: “One carbon-neutral Cosmo, Garçon.”

#15 HOUSTON TEXANS

Fandex Rating: 64
Comments: Tired of being the trendy pick, Texans fans want to turn years of strong draft picks and one of the best QB-WR connections in the NFL into the franchise’s first playoff berth, something they nearly accomplished in 2009. Unfortunately, they still live on the same block as the Colts, and that’s not going to make life any easier for Gary Kubiak and his men. Texans fans are hopeful, but cautiously so.
Favorite Drink: Listerine

#16 PHILADELPHIA EAGLES

Fandex Rating: 63
Comments: A hot new quarterback is always reason for excitement, but let’s be honest: nobody has any clue where the Eagles are going to finish this year. I’ve seen predictions that have them winning the NFC East, and predictions that have them finishing dead last with a losing record. After a decade of the status quo, the advent of the Kevin Kolb age in Philadelphia has created a lot of questions, which Eagles fans may or may not be looking forward to answering.
Favorite Drink: A tasteful microbrewed ale. And the splayed vomit of a preceding Phillies game.

#17 OAKLAND RAIDERS

Fandex Rating: 60
Comments: I worry about Raiders fans sometimes. Their organization has been one of the most laughable and embarrassing in sports at times in the 2000s, yet still they stand by them, dressing up weekly like it’s Halloween, waving garish plastic maces in the air, and howling that Raider Nation has returned. It’s like reality has no bearing on their fandom. So in a way, Oakland should top this list week in and week out, regardless of team performance. It should be interesting to see how Raiders fans respond to the first season in recent memory in which they really do have a legitimate shot at the AFC West.
Favorite Drink: The blood of the vanquished (mass dehydration since 2003)

#18 NEW YORK GIANTS

Fandex Rating: 60
Comments: Much like the Eagles, the Giants are hard to place. The talent to win the NFC East is there, but the defense will have to return to 2007/2008 levels for this team to get anywhere. But Giants fans are never ones to get down on themselves, especially when they’re opening up their new digs. If there’s a team Dallas might want to watch out for, it may be this one.
Favorite Drink: Whatever it is, it costs $23.90 at the new stadium

#19 CAROLINA PANTHERS

Fandex Rating: 58
Comments: Matt Moore has given Panthers something positive to focus on as the John Fox Era rounds out to a close. The NFC South has a way of reshuffling itself, and Carolina could be one of the league’s biggest surprise teams.
Favorite Drink: Mint juleps and cigarettes

#20 TENNESSEE TITANS

Fandex Rating: 58
Comments: Two things are for sure: Chris Johnson is an unbelievable freak of nature, and Tennessee isn’t opening with six straight losses again. After that, everything’s a variable, from the play and quarterbacking competence of Vince Young, to the effectiveness of the the Titans defense. If this team were in the AFC West, they’d be playoff contenders. In the South, they’re lucky to get their heads above water.
Favorite Drink: Meth

#21 CHICAGO BEARS

Fandex Rating: 64
Comments: So many questions. How will Jay Cutler perform in his second year in Chicago? What effect will the new, Martzian playbook have on an offense that alternated between bland and self-destructive in 2009? What can fans expect from Matt Forte, Greg Olsen and Devin Hester, all in make-or-break years for varying reasons? Even the fabled Chicago defense has been stagnant as of late. They won’t compete for the NFC North, but that isn’t what fans are asking for. They just want to see some progress, or Lovie Smith is gone.
Favorite Drink: Old Style now, cyanide later

#22 PITTSBURGH STEELERS

Fandex Rating: 62
Comments: The Steelers probably won’t be this far down any power rankings in November or December, but for now, fans can’t be anything but depressed. Not flailing themselves off roofs despondent, but still. Starting Charlie Batch will do that for you.
Favorite Drink: Pabst Blue Ribbon, drank unironically

#23 SEATTLE SEAHAWKS

Fandex Rating: 60
Comments: There’s a lot to be pumped up for in Seattle, between Pete Carrol, Golden Tate, Leon Washington and an easy division. Then again, there’s also concerns about Matt Hasselback’s health and Charlie Whitehurst’s abilities, as well as the unfortunate Russell Okung injury. The NFC West is beyond open for grabs, but Hawks fans are split as to whether they’re ready to reclaim ownership after a couple down years.
Favorite Drink: Is coffee too obvious? Okay, Vitamin R

#24 JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS

Fandex Rating: 55
Comments: Rating invalid, as the Jaguars do not have fans. Jacksonville residents too busy watching Tim Tebow ride pine during Jags blackouts to care.
Favorite Drink: Gatorade

#25 ARIZONA CARDINALS

Fandex Rating: 54
Comments: The ride is over. Cardinals fans now return to their traditional state of irrelevancy, cursing Matt Leinart’s name as they do so. Of course, they retain one of the NFL’s best coaching staffs, and some exceptional talent (yes, Larry Fitzgerald, I know), so anything is possible. But right now? At this exact moment in time, the day Leinart was released? No, today sucks hard.
Favorite Drink: A mysterious bag given to them by a Native American medicine man

#26 DENVER BRONCOS

Fandex Rating: 52
Comments: A horrifically injury-filled offseason compounds the ever-troubled relationship between fans and Josh McDaniels. Everyone agrees that Orton’s the man now, but fanbase greatly divided when it comes to the long-term at QB. Marshall’s gone to Miami, Dumervil’s on the bench, and Denver must now concern itself with staying ahead of Kansas City in the divisional hunt. How’d it come to this?
Favorite Drink: Jack Daniels

#27 KANSAS CITY CHIEFS

Fandex Rating: 52
Comments: The Chiefs are doing a pretty good job imitating the 2001 Patriots. A shame they’re already a decade late. Fans at Arrowhead are unusually loyal, but even their resolve will be worn thin as this team sputters into another gloomy offseason.
Favorite Drink: Ethanol

#28 DETROIT LIONS

Fandex Rating: 32
Comments: Hope. With a brilliant core of young draft picks (Stafford, Johnson, Suh, Best) and a top-flight coach, the Lions will be competitive one day, but that day has not yet come. When you share a division with the Vikes and Packers, a little bit of hope just isn’t enough. Not yet.
Favorite Drink: Distilled hopelessness, battery acid

#29 CLEVELAND BROWNS

Fandex Rating: 15
Comments: Browns fans are a tortured bunch. Like the dawgs they embody, they spend all their fandom sitting patiently at the doorstep, awaiting a master who will never return home. The arrival of Mike Holmgren provides some degree of positivity, but any season spent under Eric Mangini and with Jake Delhomme as your quaterback is bound to be a miserable one.
Favorite Drink: They’ll have what Detroit’s having

#30 ST LOUIS RAMS

Fandex Rating: 8
Comments: Sam Bradford. That’s the only reason they’re not dead last.
Favorite Drink: Budweiser, as is required by city ordinance

#31 TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS

Fandex Rating: 5
Comments: Ouch, this one’s bad. It’s hard for me to think of a coach-QB combo that inspires less optimism than Raheem Morris and Josh Freeman. Their roster is in tatters across the board, and even the old tangerine uniforms have begun to make a comeback. While the rest of us are entering a new football decade, the Bucs are slipping back into a pre-Dungy time warp.
Favorite Drink: Gulf oil

#32 BUFFALO BILLS

Fandex Rating: 2
Comments: I can not think of a more soul-rending situation. In addition to now constant fears regarding possible relocation to Toronto or Los Angeles, Bills fans must also contend with the worst quarterback depth chart in the league, a universally panned coaching hire, a near-dead owner, a tragically bad offensive line and the general sorrows that come with living in Buffalo, of all places. Last year they infused some intrigue by picking up T.O. This year they again attempt the acronym shell game with C.J. Spiller. Not to Buffalo: It is not typically advisable for your most dynamic player to be a rookie! Just put a bullet in them already.
Favorite Drink: Keystone Light, and their own tears

- Manhole Out.